There is an old saying “Time Heals all Wounds”. I am referring to the hurt that we endure in romantic relationships. Time does many things for us, it gives us distance, memories fade, and we may gain a different perspective. However, hurt does not magically disappear. I think what may be more important than time is what we do with that time. There are many degrees of hurt that we experience in our relationships, some more severe than others. The hurt that we endure or cause to the one we love on smaller scales may experience healing by expressed empathy, a sincere apology and show of regret. On a larger scale, more is most likely needed. Sometimes when we are hurt, we do not know what we need for healing to occur. It is crucial that we know what we need for healing and express that to our partner. The reason being is that our partner cannot guess what we need, only we can know what we need for healing. Yes, I know, what if our partner does not give us what we need! Healing becomes a fine balance of asking our partner to meet some of our needs while at the same time healing our own hurt. I’ve been hurt, we’ve all been hurt. And I’ve hurt my loved ones as well. I’ve been on both ends! Haven’t we all? For me, I turn to self-nurturing, remembering positive memories (that’s a tricky one as the brain has a way of holding on mostly to negative memories!). You deserve to nurture your hurt. And remember, it feels awful to not be forgiven when we hurt someone, so keep in mind the peace we can feel when we forgive, not accept what someone has done to us, but forgive. I know, when I’ve hurt someone I clearly desire to be forgiven but when someone has hurt me, well it is just not that easy to forgive! But if you can remember what it feels like to not be forgiven you may be able to extend forgiveness. It is a gift that you give to the one you love but most likely it is more so a gift to you! I don’t want to make forgiveness sound easy, it is not! Do it in your own time, but remember, time does not always heal all wounds, it is what we DO with that time. One more thing, take good care of yourself when you are hurting, that is of the utmost importance.
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Details of any stories told in my blogs have been changed to protect the identity of people that I work with in therapy.