Time Heals all Wounds, but does it , really?

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There is an old saying “Time Heals all Wounds”. I am referring to the hurt that we endure in romantic relationships. Time does many things for us, it gives us distance, memories fade, and we may gain a different perspective. However, hurt does not magically disappear. I think what may be more important than time is what we do with that time. There are many degrees of hurt that we experience in our relationships, some more severe than others. The hurt that we endure or cause to the one we love on smaller scales may experience healing by expressed empathy, a sincere apology and show of regret. On a larger scale, more is most likely needed. Sometimes when we are hurt, we do not know what we need for healing to occur. It is crucial that we know what we need for healing and express that to our partner. The reason being is that our partner cannot guess what we need, only we can know what we need for healing. Yes, I know, what if our partner does not give us what we need! Healing becomes a fine balance of asking our partner to meet some of our needs while at the same time healing our own hurt. I’ve been hurt, we’ve all been hurt. And I’ve hurt my loved ones as well. I’ve been on both ends! Haven’t we all? For me, I turn to self-nurturing, remembering positive memories (that’s a tricky one as the brain has a way of holding on mostly to negative memories!). You deserve to nurture your hurt. And remember, it feels awful to not be forgiven when we hurt someone, so keep in mind the peace we can feel when we forgive, not accept what someone has done to us, but forgive. I know, when I’ve hurt someone I clearly desire to be forgiven but when someone has hurt me, well it is just not that easy to forgive! But if you can remember what it feels like to not be forgiven you may be able to extend forgiveness. It is a gift that you give to the one you love but most likely it is more so a gift to you! I don’t want to make forgiveness sound easy, it is not! Do it in your own time, but remember, time does always heal all wounds, it is what we DO with that time. One more thing, take good care of yourself when you are hurting, that is of the utmost importance.

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If you want to learn more about relationships – I wrote this for you “Ten Essential Things I’ve Learned About Marriage & Relationships” I’ve included the lesson that saved my marriage. I care about the work that I put out to you, and I hope you find it helpful. Please let me know!

And you can keep up with my writing on relationships, random thoughts and more by subscribing here. I’m here to help and to know that you are out there reading means so much to me!

Thanks for reading!

 One more thing… I really would love for you to share your thoughts with me. I know it is not easy to do! I understand because it took me a long time to work up the courage to begin blogging! But I want to get to know you. When you feel ready, please feel free to share your thoughts with me in the comment section. 

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Details of any stories told in my blogs have been changed to protect the identity of people that I work with in therapy.

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Comments

  1. Alice  December 12, 2014

    Hi Pam, First, I agree with everything that you say in your blog post. Especially that it is not simply the passage of time that heals, but how one uses time to heal and ask for needs to be met. You pack so much in one post! Oh my! Best, Alice

    reply
    • Pam Fullerton  December 12, 2014

      Thank you so much Alice!! I really appreciate your response!! You’re the best 😉

      reply

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