The Power of Words – How to Shift from Hurt to Self-Love

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As you might know – I write ‘mostly’ about relationships. I’ve been wanting to write a blog about the words we choose to communicate to our partner, especially during conflict. But I worried that it might feel shaming because all of us have communicated with hurtful words and I NEVER want anyone to feel shame for their humanness. If you’ve been reading my blog consistently, you also know that I am passionate about self-compassion. While thinking about how to communicate ...

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Men don’t trust women’s feelings?????

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First, let me say that the title of my blog this week is from a blog written by someone else. I wanted to add my thoughts to his belief that men don’t trust women’s feelings. I’m not convinced that men don’t trust the feelings of women. It has been my experience with male clients that they don’t always understand women’s feelings.

Here’s why:

Men have been told to deny their feelings. They’ve been told, “Get up, you’re not hurt” ...

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Emotional triggers impact all of our relationships. What are they?

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“I knew we had to get in to couples counseling. We have a wonderful relationship, but I knew that this was too big for the both of us”

“It was too big for both of us” is what led me to the topic of my blog this week. One of the most complicated challenges of a relationship are ‘emotional triggers’. We need to have awareness of them and then manage them.

I am reminded daily of ...

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It’s not easy being married to me

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Recently I read a blog that a wife wrote to her husband. She thanked him for his support. She lives with chronic pain and expressed gratitude for all that he endures in their marriage. However, there was one sentence that caught my attention:

“It’s not easy being married to me.”

I thought to myself – “Isn’t this true for all of us?”  

Then I imagined what it would be like if I wrote a letter ...

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I love you, terrible person

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A few days ago I was told that a family friend had passed away. This family friend was someone that I appreciated in my life when I was young but I had not seen her for years. I had assumed that she was living her life, only to discover that she had been in a nursing home these past few years. No one told me.

I felt like a terrible person for not knowing that she was in a ...

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How understanding others benefits you

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It breaks my heart when I hear that a relationship has ended. Especially when it involves two good people who desperately tried to make their relationship work. A friend shared with me recently that a couple I know is living apart. It reminded me of the pain that I went through when my husband and I were living apart for a brief time in our marriage. I was hurt, he was hurt, and we didn’t know how to get back ...

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Embracing self-love – let’s do this together!!

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I’ve written a few blog posts as of late about giving – giving to others, giving to your relationship, as well as how to be aware of the imbalance of giving and how over-giving can cause harm to you and your relationship. In this post, I’m going to talk about a different form of giving – self-love. Recently, I’ve been thinking about how hard people can be on themselves. I see it in therapy all the ...

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Redefining strength and weakness

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Last week I wrote, in part, about men and emotion. I also questioned the common misconception that masking our emotions is strength and showing (or even admitting) our emotions is weakness. I asked that we redefine our use of the words strong and weak with regards to describing emotion. There is no doubt in my mind that showing emotion is strength and showing our vulnerability is strength. This week I watched Vice President Joe Biden on ...

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Okay men…..let’s talk about feelings!

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Although my blogs are always aimed at supporting and helping both men and women, I learned something this week that is connected to last week’s blog post. In my work as a therapist, I have always encouraged women to be mindful of self-care. However, I am reminded of the men that I work with who are also giving and, therefore, at risk of becoming depleted.

Let me begin my story here:

Some time ago I met with a couple for couples ...

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What to do about shame

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I woke up on Tuesday morning intending to post the blog I had prepared for this week. I started my morning as I always do by checking the news headlines. I discovered that it has been one year since the death of Robin Williams. I read a touching tribute by Sarah Michelle Gellar, and then I read this blog, “Losing a Parent to Suicide“. As I read the article, I could feel the pain and agony ...

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