What is going on in our relationship?

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There are many challenges in relationships but there is one that we rarely talk about. Before we take a deeper look into this challenge let’s look at a few of the concerns that people often express in their relationships:

~ My partner won’t talk about issues

~ I hate and avoid conflict

~ We don’t have sex or we don’t have enough sex

~ My partner doesn’t understand

~ I do not trust my partner

I have no doubt that you can add to this list. ...

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Two Sides of the Coin in Love

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Do you remember when you met your partner and fell in love? What did you love? Did you love his/her kindness? Or maybe their free spirit or humor? Maybe their work ethic? You name it! Have you ever heard the idea that portrays that the attributes of our partners that we fall in love with end up becoming the things that we don’t like about them? This is actually true. So let’s talk about why this happens and how we ...

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Are you Listening to me?

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There have been times in my marriage (I’m sure this will sound familiar to you) when I have been talking to my husband and I don’t feel like he is listening (in the way that I need – I’ll say more about that soon!). His face shows little emotion when I’m talking and he does not respond verbally. I then ask him, “Are you listening to me?” His response is “I can repeat every word you said”. I know that ...

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Are you Trying to Change me?

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The question of change in relationships is complex. In relationships I’ve often heard one half accuse the other, saying “Don’t try to change me!” The topic of change is a challenging one, mainly because we all want and deserve to be seen, loved, and accepted for who we are as a person. The real question to explore here is the following: is it change that we want or is it personal growth? So let’s explore the difference!

Wanting Change vs. Personal ...

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Important, Yet Often Overlooked in Relationships!

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We all know the complex challenges that come with being in a fulfilling relationship. And yet, there is something that I want to discuss that is often overlooked and a bit more positive in our relationships!

All too often couples begin therapy with ‘their hair on fire’! Meaning that their relationship is in serious trouble, they are scared, angry, hurt, and often feel hopeless. This is where the challenging work of therapy begins. Emotions are expressed and need to be unraveled ...

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How to Get Through Hard Times Together

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Perhaps one of the most painful challenges of a relationship is when you are unexpectedly struck by a painful event. This could be the abrupt death of a loved one, a frightening health diagnosis, or job loss, just to name a few. It is frightening to know how we will get through these hard times together.

When we come together in love, we have dreams of a beautiful life together and hopes of sustained love. Rarely do we imagine the hard ...

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Projection: What is it & how does it hurt your relationship?

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I discussed in my last blog that reacting defensively is complicated. Let’s talk about this a bit more because these are challenges that occur in all relationships. As promised, I will explain the difference between being defensive and defending oneself in our relationships.

 The challenge that all of us bring to our relationships:

There will be times when you will be stunned by something that your partner says to you. Perhaps you will find yourself on the receiving end of ...

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Why do we feel defensive in relationships?

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I recently read a blog entitled “Five things no one ever told me would destroy my marriage”. The author cited “being defensive” as one such reason. However, defensiveness is complex – let’s shed some light on why we can become defensive and what we can do about it.

I want to reassure you that all of us react defensively at times. We are told ‘not’ to be defensive but it’s not that easy!

Emotional Triggers & Accusations:

I can’t say enough ...

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Why Do We Fight, Argue & Bicker So Much?

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So why do couples fight, argue and bicker? And why do they sometimes do it more often than at other times? Well, there are many reasons. Stress is the obvious big reason, and couples often conclude that they fight due to the inability to communicate, which is another reason. BUT, there is one reason that we almost always fail to recognize…

First, do you notice that we tend to look to negative reasons (which is understandable) why we are arguing more ...

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Do You Crave Change In Your Relationship?

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Have you ever felt unhappy with your partner? Have you experienced feeling lost, not knowing how to create change in your relationship? Most of us have experienced these feelings, regardless of how much we love our partner.

During her first few sessions, one of my clients described all the things her husband had said and done that made her unhappy. She prided herself on being a good wife who would do anything for her husband.

It was clear that what she desired ...

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